Two Sisters
by Bondari the Reloader
Summary: Loss may be common in Thedas, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with, especially when it's the loss of a family member. Hawke and Fenris try to help each other through the pain of losing their respective sisters and learn what it truly means to be a family.


**Part I: Bethany**

Fenris hesitated before the door. Their boat had nearly returned to Kirkwall, and he thought she might like to prepare to leave. Or perhaps, given what she had been through in the Deep Roads, she wouldn't much care.

Their journey back to the city had been a somber one, befitting an expedition that wasn't returning with all of its members. Varric, who was normally so chatty, had hardly said a word since his brother betrayed them and left them for dead. The Hawke sisters had taken charge and led them out of their underground prison, but they were unable to escape before Bethany succumbed to the darkspawn taint. Varric no doubt felt some responsibility for the death of the young woman he had nicknamed "Sunshine," but his guilt was nothing compared to that felt by Bethany's sister…

Fenris took a deep breath and raised his arm. Whether she liked it or not, she couldn't hide away forever. She would need to get off the boat and go back home. He knocked, but there was no response. "Hawke?" he tentatively asked.

He heard some shuffling from the other side of the door, and then, finally, her voice: "Come in." It sounded raw and hoarse, as though she had been sobbing. Fenris braced himself and went inside.

Hawke was perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed, the blanket she had apparently been sleeping under crumpled in a ball next to her. She reached up a hand to try to smooth out her wavy red hair, which was unusually unkempt. Her blue eyes were bloodshot, and her nose was red and swollen. She looked miserable, but she still attempted to smile. "Is there something I can do for you, Fenris?" she asked, her voice more steady than before.

Fenris didn't respond right away. He was too stunned by her appearance. He knew that she would be in pain, of course, but he still hadn't expected to see her looking quite so shaken. And yet, in spite of her obvious suffering, she was trying to put on a brave face for him. That brave face was starting to fall, however; she began to sniffle as she stared at him, and he remembered that she had asked him a question. "No, no, I don't need anything," he said quickly. "I just wanted to let you know that we should be docking in Kirkwall shortly."

"Oh." Her false smile disappeared, and she turned away from him to stare absently at the wall. "Thank you for telling me."

Fenris knew that was a dismissal, but for some reason he found himself reluctant to leave. He had always considered Hawke to be a headstrong, independent woman, but it occurred to him now that he had never seen her without her sister. She and Bethany were always together, whether they were shopping in the market, playing cards at the Hanged Man, or rushing into battle. He thought back to the day they left for the Deep Roads, how their mother had pleaded with Bethany to stay behind, and how both daughters had promised to keep each other safe and return home together. He wondered if she was thinking of that day, too.

"It wasn't your fault," he said suddenly, his voice surprising both of them.

Hawke stared at him again, surprised to find him still in her room. "What did you say?" she asked.

"It wasn't your fault," Fenris repeated. "There was nothing you could have done."

She stiffened and looked away. "There had to have been something," she muttered. "If it had been me…" She quickly wiped away a tear. "Bethy would have found a way."

"But she said herself that nothing could save her, not even her own healing magic."

"She only said that because she was so sick, she wasn't thinking straight!" Hawke snapped, her voice suddenly shrill. "If I had been the one… If she had been well, she would have figured out what to do. I should have figured out what to do…" Her voice trailed off. Her shoulders slumped, and she no longer bothered with wiping away her tears.

Fenris knew, somehow, that he needed to stay with her, but he felt uncomfortable just standing there. He considered sitting next to her on the bed—was surprised, in fact, by how much he wanted to—but he felt that wouldn't be right, either. He settled for pulling a chair over from the desk and sitting in front of her. "The darkspawn taint is just too powerful," he said in a manner he hoped was soothing. "Bethany knew that, and she wanted to die before she passed it on to any of us. She was trying to protect you."

Hawke wiped her eyes and took a shuddering breath. "She was so calm at the end, so at peace with it all," she said. "I just… couldn't do it. I had the dagger in my hand, up against her heart, but I…" Another sob, but Hawke was determined to continue. "She put her hand over mine and helped me push. And through it all, she was smiling…" She shook her head. "If it were me, I don't know if I could have been that brave. I always felt I had to protect her because I was her big sister, and yet… she gave her life to protect me. She was much stronger than I ever gave her credit for. I wish…" She finally looked up at Fenris. "I should have told Bethy that. At the end. That's what I regret the most."

Fenris felt a sudden, unexplainable urge to take her hand, but he didn't. Instead, he said, "I think she knew. Truly, I do," he continued in a rush, Hawke beginning to roll her eyes at him. "Your sister was a remarkably perceptive young woman. She could always tell when I was feeling particularly… broody." He hated using Varric's nickname to describe himself, but he couldn't deny its appropriateness. He couldn't keep the distaste out of his voice, however, and he was pleasantly surprised to see a small smile on Hawke's face. "She was always very considerate and… she really was the kindest human I've ever met."

"For a mage, you mean?" Hawke's voice was wary, almost suspicious.

Fenris looked away. "Bethany was unlike any mage I have ever encountered," he said carefully. "My good opinion of her is sincere, though it does nothing to change my opinion of mages as a whole. As far as I am concerned, she was the exception to the rule. She was nothing like that idiot Anders," he muttered under his breath.

Hawke chuckled, startling him. He hadn't realized she had heard him. "Thank the Maker for that," she said, and then her frown returned. "How am I going to tell him?" she asked.

Fenris wasn't sure if he was expected to respond, and he was glad of that because he had no idea what to say. Bethany had been a bit enamored of the hot-headed mage for reasons Fenris couldn't even pretend to understand. Anders had done nothing to discourage those feelings, though Fenris secretly suspected that the mage really had eyes for the older Hawke sister. Just thinking about him made Fenris's blood start to boil, but before he could pinpoint exactly why, Hawke asked another question he had no idea how to answer: "How am I going to tell my mother? Another one of her precious children dead because of me…"

She wasn't really looking at him, more like looking through him, but the grief and helplessness written on her race compelled him to reach out his hand. Before he touched her, however, she focused on him again. "You don't have to answer that," she said, her voice weary but not was weak as before. She noticed his outstretched hand and took it. Fenris started, but he didn't pull away. Her hand was much softer than he had expected. "Thank you, Fenris," she said with a small smile.

"For what?" Fenris asked, puzzled.

"I'm not sure, exactly," she said, her head slightly cocked to one side. "For being here, I suppose. For getting me to talk about it. For making me laugh for the first time since Bethy… left." She squeezed his hand, sending a shiver up and down his spine. "Thank you for listening, Fenris. I'm grateful to call you my friend."

Fenris felt an unusual warmth spreading through him as he looked into her tearful blue eyes. He realized he had managed to stumble into the exact kind of intimate moment he had been hoping to avoid, but he couldn't seem to remember why he had wanted to avoid it. In spite of his efforts to maintain a distance between them, he had grown quite fond of Hawke… fond enough that he should probably start calling her by her first name. He wasn't sure why she had remained simply "Hawke" all this time while her sister had always been "Bethany," but now seemed a good time to change that. He had to search his memory to remember what her name even was, but he finally said, "Your friendship means a great deal to me as well… Ellie."

She flinched and pulled her hand away. Fenris dropped his hand to his knee, confused and pained by her reaction. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" he mumbled.

"Oh, no, Fenris, I'm sorry," Hawke said quickly. "I just… Bethany was the only one who ever called me Ellie."

"I didn't know…"

"Of course not, how could you?" She smiled reassuringly at him. "It was just strange hearing it in your voice. Maybe too strange…"

Fenris stood to leave. "I did not mean to upset you," he said, but Hawke continued on as though she had not heard him.

"Bethy and Ellie were our little nicknames for each other. Mother just calls me 'daughter' mostly. My brother Carver usually called me 'sister' or 'big sister.'" She looked at Fenris thoughtfully for a moment and said, somewhat shyly, "You can call me Elanor, if you like."

"Elanor," Fenris repeated. He liked the sound of it, and clearly she did as well, for she gave him a real, true smile, her face for a moment free from pain. "That's what Ellie's short for," she explained. "My father was the only one who ever used it. It's nice to hear it again after all this time."

Her face grew sad again, but not as much as before. Fenris thought about her family, how nearly all of them were referred to in the past tense. "You've lost many people close to you, haven't you?" he said gently.

She nodded and stood up, her posture straight and determined. "I have, and I miss them dearly," she said. "But I am fortunate to have found so many others to… not replace them, but to become part of my new 'adopted' family. People like Aveline, and Varric, and you." She said this last word with a great deal of warmth, perhaps more than she had intended, for she quickly looked away. "Now, if you'll please excuse me, I do have to get ready to disembark."

Fenris moved to the door and placed his hand on the handle. He looked back at Hawke—no, Elanor. She was attempting to fold the crumpled blanket on the bed, but she did not appear to be succeeding. She caught him watching her and gave him a mock frown. "I _am_ capable of doing my own housework," she said. "Really!"

Fenris smiled. "Very well. If you need my help, however, with… with anything, you know where to find me."

She smiled back at him. "Thank you, Fenris."

"You're welcome, Elanor." He left, closing the door gently behind him. In spite of all the sadness surrounding them, he felt happier than he had since… well, since as long as he could remember. "Elanor," he whispered to himself, and he felt that warmth rushing through him again.

He heard footsteps approaching. The captain, probably, or maybe… Fenris scowled and walked briskly in the opposite direction. It wouldn't do for Varric to see him smiling; the dwarf would never let him hear the end of it, or worse, he would demand an explanation. Fenris didn't want to explain his sudden happiness. He just wanted to enjoy it. After all he had been through, he felt he deserved that much. He hoped that Elanor Hawke had been able to enjoy a bit of happiness, too.


End file.
